grad school? check!

Well, this past weekend I officially completed graduate school! Phew! These past two years have been long and tiring, but well worth it!

I celebrated with two commencement ceremonies--one university-wide on the main campus, and one for the School of Social Welfare on our little downtown campus.

My mom, sister and little brother joined James and I in Albany to celebrate. This consisted of eating out at one of my favorite restaurants and getting ice cream! Why I don't have any pictures of the food is beyond me! Everything was delicious!

It was really nice to have my family here to share this accomplishment. In my initial thinking about graduation, I really didn't think it would be such a big deal, but as it got closer, I realized that I wanted to truly celebrate all that I have been working toward for the past two years. So, I'm glad we made a little bit of a big deal about it.

Graduation day made me realize just how far I, and we (James and I), have come. I feel like with the end of school, my "real" life can begin. I know I shouldn't think like that--it's not like I wasn't living while I was in school. But, it has felt like some parts of my life were in "pause" and now everything can move forward! That means having a real job and a real paycheck, being on a normal schedule, being treated like an adult again, and getting ready to build a married life with James. All GREAT things!

...speaking of real jobs, I started my new job today and can't wait to tell you more about it this week!

Saturday Still: I thought I was the one graduating...

...more on graduation in tomorrow's post, but for now I just had to share this!

Was not Jesus himself a social worker?

It's been a month without blogging, and I miss it! I also think it was a needed break, though, because I have been incredibly busy with other things that needed to take a front seat in my life for a while.

One of the things that I have been dealing with lately, and that I have debated blogging about, is the apparent ethical dilemma of being a social worker and a Christian. In May, I will have my MSW and I will be expected, by the social work profession, to uphold the Social Work Code of Ethics. In most ways, this is not a problem for me, but sometimes my Christianity gets in the way. Religion, at least to me, appears to be avoided by the profession, and absent from much of the class discussion that takes place at my university. It almost seems as though we are not supposed to "have" religion as social workers. Maybe I'm taking this to the extreme because I am sensitive to it, but recently I have been dealing with a lot of negative comments about religion and the Church from people who are working as social workers out in the field, and people who are teaching social work at my university. Needless to say, I've been extremely bothered by it.

Much of the reason that I decided to pursue social work is precisely because of my faith! Was not Jesus himself a social worker? For me, He is the ultimate model of what it is to selflessly help others, accepting everyone who needed Him regardless of class, gender, past deeds, and creed. Social workers pride themselves on being accepting, but how accepting are they really if they are going to put down specific institutions and individuals because of their beliefs? Many of my professors speak to the class as though we are all liberal, pro-choice Democrats. The reality is that many social workers are--particularly those that are following the macro track of social work, like myself. But are these professional social workers, who now have future social workers entrusted to their guidance and education, really naive and closed-minded enough to assume that we all fit their mold? And what is the harm of having a set of beliefs that guides you in making good decisions? If I were working with a client who had different beliefs from me, would I turn them away? No--and not because my profession tells me not to, but because my God tells me not to! Then why do I, as a Christian social worker, sometimes feel so ostracized from my own profession? A profession that advocates for equality!

I am confused and hurt by a profession that I was once excited to be a part of. Will I continue in my studies and work as a professional social worker? Absolutely. I believe in the profession and the good that we do for others. But, I suppose I am learning that, within my profession, there is still a lot of learning and teaching to be done. After prayer and meditation on this, I've realized that my path in life has most definitely been guided by my Father in Heaven who has prepared me for this task and will lead me in righteousness and grace as I pursue it.

Fortune

For one of the first times in my graduate degree career, I am sitting in the library on a Saturday morning. James had plans for the morning anyway, and we are getting together with friends for the afternoon, so I thought I might as well be productive and get a few hours of work in rather than wasting my time at home (which I am very good at!).

via

As I walked into the library this morning and stuck my keys in my coat pocket, I found the fortune cookie from the Chinese takeout I got last night. I decided to open it up--maybe it would give me some wisdom. Well, I was pleasantly surprised to see my fotune: "You are working hard."

Yes, I am. And I can feel it paying off!

Academic Writer's Block

Source: None via Jennifer on Pinterest

Every semester, there is one paper that my brain just resists writing. I've reached that paper in this semester. To make matters worse, the class during which it was due was canceled last night, so my plan to write the paper yesterday and hand it in last night was a royal debacle! Hence, I am still working on writing my paper tonight (after I told myself I would do it this morning). I'm starting to wonder how many times I can push it off! A few minutes ago, I told myself that tonight is the night! ... but I'm having second thoughts. The wonderful thing about finishing this paper (eventually) is that, then, I will have met my semester quota for one paper that I just cannot convince myself to write (but eventually do). So, until approximately February, this "blocked" writer bids you adieu.

Wowee...

Being in graduate school doesn't feel like a good enough excuse to be so busy and so absent from parts of my life in which I want to be so present. And yet, I find myself absolutely consumed with all things MSW. If I'm not in class, I'm preparing for class. If I'm not reading books and articles, I'm at one of my two internships. If I'm not at my internships, I'm at a meeting or a training.

My mind and body feel pulled in so many directions, and honestly I feel like I'm not doing a great job at anything that I am involved in. I never have all of my readings done. I write papers at the last minute. I am learning the ways of my internships so slowly that I feel I'm still "new" at them. I don't know if it is me or the program--if I should blame myself or perhaps the makeup of the program. In true social work fashion, it's time for some heavy duty analysis of my situation.

Today I got all the way to my internship only to open my calendar and realize I was supposed to be at my seminar. The time of realization: 8:50am. Start time of seminar: 9am. Time to travel there by car: 20 minutes. Did I have a car? No. Did I have to take a bus that only runs every 30 minutes? Yes. Was I late? You betcha! For those of you who know me, you know that I am not one to forget where I am supposed to be. But boy, I am becoming forgetful! Or, is it just frazzled? Overwhelmed?

My frustration is that I'm beginning to doubt the value of all of this if I feel that I am unable to process it and make sense of it. Because right now I feel like I am just rushing from one thing to the next and not really letting anything simmer. I'll tell you what is simmering, though. My nerves. What am I getting out of this experience? Am I going to graduate in 7 months with a pile of loans and my head spinning, not really being able to make sense of what happened to me over the past two years?

The truth is, I have no answers right now. I am just as overwhelmed as can be and feeling sort of indifferent about the whole thing. That's not how I want to feel about school, but right now it is. And, in the meantime, I'm missing the things in my life that I really want to make time for, like being here, writing to you. Hanging out with my friends. Sewing. Making jewelry. Reading for pleasure. Baking. Exercising.

So, for the next 7 months, you might here a lot from me along this vein and tone. And I'm sorry for that. But I leave you with this positive spin on it all. Every experience I have, easy or difficult, happy or sad, I learn something new about myself. I learn my likes and dislikes. I learn something about my style, my tolerance, my beliefs. So, I want to look at these next 7 months like that, and I want whatever the rest of this experience is to be a part of who I am and who I will become. Ultimately, I can't ask for much more than that.

Thanks for listening, and please tune back for happier, less tired Jenn soon!

Sunday Thanks: College Graduation

This weekend we celebrated my little brother Patrick's college graduation. It was an exciting time for all of us to be together and I had been looking forward to the weekend for a long time. But, as we got there, floods of memories came back from my own college graduation (which was not a pretty time in my life), and I found myself feeling SO thankful that I was not the one in robes and mortarboard!

I don't care what anyone else says--graduating from college is one of the scariest times of your life! You've lived in this bubble for four years and then, one day, you're thrown out into the real world and expected to know what the hell you're doing! There is so much uncertainty, sadness, and stress, plus the feeling of being lost in the world without much of anything to grab onto. There are expectations you feel you'll never meet and an overall disillusionment with what you thought was going to be life-changing. The fact of the matter is, college graduation symbolizes all of your hard work and abilities, but leaves you feeling like you are not really prepared for anything.

Maybe this isn't the way you felt when you graduated college, and I hope it's not how my baby brother is feeling tonight--he is a remarkably smart, passionate and talented person whom I admire and know will do great things in his life. In truth, college does prepare you for life in many ways, but I think it takes some time to get to that realization. For me, graduation commenced a clean slate and a fresh start. Whatever mistakes I made during those four years, it was now my chance to move on to something bigger and better. I hope that no matter what the next few weeks, months and years hold for Patrick, he knows that there are always opportunities to start fresh and look ahead, and that college graduation is, ultimately, just another day in a long life of days more meaningful and life-changing.

A Very Good Day

Today was just an all around good day. It began around 6am when I got out of bed and planned on working on a paper that was due later today. (Un)fortunately, I decided to check in on some of the blogs I like to read and was reminded that the Royal Wedding was this morning! How I forgot that, I'm not really sure, considering James and I watched every imaginable show that was on about it last weekend. So, I ended up watching ABC News instead of working on my paper. Personally, I thought Kate looked beautiful, and I was excited to see that my friend Alexa and I were right about the style of dress she would wear! Ends up her dress is pretty much my fantasy wedding dress (minus the long train and a little bit of the poof). I'm getting off track. So my very good day started with a happy moment in world history. Contrary to what my dad had to say about the whole thing, I do think that this wedding is important history and I do have respect for the Royal Family, whatever their role in British government might be.

Anyway, around 8:30 I headed to the library to finish up two papers that were due today. Yup, I was truly getting them done the day they were due--that's life! Around 10:30, however, I was finished! By finished, I mean with the entire semester. Actually, the entire academic year--my first year of graduate school. Done. Like I said, it was a really good day.

Around the same time I finished my papers, my friend Ashley showed up. Little did she know, we were throwing a miniature baby shower for her during lunch today before our last Macro class. So, in order to keep her busy, we went for a walk down to Washington Park and got a sneak peek at all of the tulips that are just about ready for Tulip Fest next weekend! It was nice to enjoy the flowers without the crowds, and I made a promise to try to spend more time in the park this summer. It's really a lovely little spot and it was actually really quiet and peaceful midday.

Around noon we arrived back at school and surprised Ashley with cake, flowers and balloons. We gabbed over lunch and cake before class started.

As we were chatting, another woman from my class asked me if I'd lost weight recently, saying that she noticed I look slimmer and has been meaning to compliment me. I was really flattered and it meant a lot, as it's the first compliment I've received since working out at the gym for the past three months. I'm not complaining. I actually haven't lost a lot of weight, and to the people who see me every day I probably don't look very different. But, it is nice to have hard work validated with a comment like that!

Class commenced with a guest speaker who spoke about legislation and lobbying, which was right up my alley! I learned a lot and I'm looking forward to checking out some of the websites she recommended. After about an hour long presentation, we got out of class early, and for the first time in a long time I spent the afternoon on the couch watching some TV. It felt good to relax and know that I had absolutely nothing pressing to do.

The night ended with a cheese fondue dinner at Tabitha and Don's house ("our couple") followed by strawberry shortcake. It was so nice to spend a relaxing evening with friends.

See? Wasn't it a very good day? And now I have a beautiful weekend to look forward to! Sunny and warm tomorrow and Sunday--what a way to start my summer!

Wow...

...could someone have told me how much work graduate school is? Well, I knew it was going to be work, but I suppose I just wasn't prepared for the multitude of written assignments. I understand the purpose, but at the same time I sometimes feel that the written assignments take away from the real learning. For example, at this point in the semester I have pretty much given up on doing the required reading for my classes. All of my time is spent on papers and group projects! As far as I'm concerned, that's not such a good thing. I wish my professors realized we need an appropriate balance of both readings and assignments, and enough time to do them all! The crazy thing is, I'm a full time student without a full time job, unlike a lot of my colleagues. I only work one day a week cleaning, plus two days of internship, and two full days of class. What about the people who work a full time job and then have class, homework, and internship? I don't know how they make it happen, and I do not envy them!

Last week, in the midst of my freaking out about everything I still need to do before the semester is over, I decided to be proactive and get myself organized. I'll admit that part of my taking the time to organize was also to procrastinate, but we won't go there. Anyway, here's what I came up with:

 I wrote each of my assignments on a new post-it (don't you love these larger, lined, decorative Post-its?). I then broke the assignments into smaller tasks and put a little check-box next to each one. This allows me to see exactly what I need to do, work on smaller sections at a time, and check off things as I go so I feel like I have accomplished something even if the assignment isn't completed.

Here's a closer look at one of my assignments and the checked-off tasks that I have completed so far. Do you like how I used a red crayon so they stand out?

 As I talked about before, I also decided to set really reasonable goals for myself for each day of the week. Usually when I set goals it is just the stuff that I need to do, but I decided to include the stuff that I want to do on my list too. For example, goals for one day might be to go to the gym, work on some homework, and do some leisure reading. It felt good to take into consideration all of the things I want to do each day/week, not just the tasks on my to-do list.

And, in an effort to make work a little more enjoyable, I added fresh flowers to my workspace. One of my other weekly goals is to purchase fresh flowers and scatter them about the house. You would not believe what a different some pretty flowers can make!