I just saw this over on "and here's to you, Mrs. Robinson," and I had to share it with all of you:
Happy Wednesday!
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Let's Talk About: Obedience
I want to talk about a little something called “obedience” today. When you get engaged, everyone has an opinion about how you should do things—where you should honeymoon, how many people you should invite, where you should have the reception, and, most recently, how you should say your vows.
We were with friends a few weeks ago who are married, so of course they know a few trick of the trade. I was surprised, however, when one of the suggestions was to leave the word “obey” out of our vows. I’m aware that this is the kick these days and I’ve heard in mentioned before, but never at a time in my life when it was something for me to personally consider. Should I leave the word “obey” out of my vows to James? It’s an interesting question, but I am most certain of my answer. No.
No, because I do vow to obey my husband. Shouldn’t we all vow to obey the people that we love and who love us? If I believe that James loves me purely and selflessly, like he does, then I have nothing to fear by obeying him. Now, let’s get something straight—these vows are not about obeying your husband when he tells you to clean the kitchen or stay home with the kids so he can go out with his buddies.
When we vow before God to obey our spouses, we are talking about a much more serious form of obedience. This obedience toward our spouses is about faithfulness, integrity, and trust. If my husband suggests that I behave a certain way or do a certain thing, it is because he loves me, not because he desires to have control over me. And if I love my husband too, and I am certain of his love for me, I know that his direction for me is out of love for me and not control.
Several years ago, I was engaged to my college sweetheart. About 5 months before our wedding, he befriended a young woman and began spending a considerable amount of time with her. We never had rules about spending time with members of the opposite sex because it was never an issue for us. We both had friends of different genders and it was fine. But, this girl was different and I didn’t like her spending time with my fiancé. I asked nicely that they not spend time together, I tried to get to know her, but I still had a nagging feeling. Eventually, I was forced to offer him an ultimatum, and he chose a “friendship” with this girl over our relationship. Trust me, this wasn’t the cause of our breakup, but it was (as my friends like to call it) “the cherry on top.” Not spending time with that young woman at my request would have been obeying me, right? Was I trying to be controlling? No. Was I trying to protect my fiancé and our relationship? Yes.
The obedience that we vow in a marriage is not about control, though I know there are people out there who make it that way. Asking your partner to obey you is two-fold. First, you are asking them to respect you. When I asked my fiancé to stop spending time with another woman, I was asking him to respect my discomfort and put me and our relationship first. Even when you ask your partner to do something for you, by obeying you, they are acknowledging their role in the relationship and respecting what you do for them by doing something in return.
But obedience is also about accountability and expectation. Your partner should have high expectations for you, and they should hold you accountable for your actions. Not so they can control you or harass you, but so that they can celebrate your accomplishments with you and help you to be the most fantastic YOU you can be! When James tells me we’ll go to a movie after I finish a paper for school, he is not patronizing or controlling me. He is helping me to accomplish what I need to do in my life and is then offering to celebrate with me when I’m done! If I obey him, it is not for his gratification, but for the betterment of my own situation. If our expectations for each other come from a place of love, then we are silly NOT to obey each other! Here is this person who has your best intentions at heart telling you how you can be a better version of yourself—obey them!!
Deuteronomy 11:1 says “Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.” Why does God ask for our obedience? Is it to give Him power over us? I’m pretty sure if God wanted power over us, He would just turn us into puppets and control our lives that way. God asks for obedience because He loves us and wants the best for us. He also knows that, by obeying His commandments, we are capable of having lives that are richly blessed and full of peace! Should it not be exactly the same when we obey those on Earth who love us as dearly as God does? If my husband adores me and wants the best for me, I can know that his commands for me are with my best interest in mind.
It is first by simply loving God in return that we are able to obey Him. Think about how easy it is to do something for someone we love. And what is our reason? Simply, we love them! Where there is mutual love there is, by default, obedience!
On our wedding day, I don’t know if we will exchange traditional vows or write our own, but I will not resist vowing to obey my husband. It is our obedience to each other and to our relationship that, I firmly believe, will only bind us closer and enhance our marriage commitment.
We were with friends a few weeks ago who are married, so of course they know a few trick of the trade. I was surprised, however, when one of the suggestions was to leave the word “obey” out of our vows. I’m aware that this is the kick these days and I’ve heard in mentioned before, but never at a time in my life when it was something for me to personally consider. Should I leave the word “obey” out of my vows to James? It’s an interesting question, but I am most certain of my answer. No.
No, because I do vow to obey my husband. Shouldn’t we all vow to obey the people that we love and who love us? If I believe that James loves me purely and selflessly, like he does, then I have nothing to fear by obeying him. Now, let’s get something straight—these vows are not about obeying your husband when he tells you to clean the kitchen or stay home with the kids so he can go out with his buddies.
When we vow before God to obey our spouses, we are talking about a much more serious form of obedience. This obedience toward our spouses is about faithfulness, integrity, and trust. If my husband suggests that I behave a certain way or do a certain thing, it is because he loves me, not because he desires to have control over me. And if I love my husband too, and I am certain of his love for me, I know that his direction for me is out of love for me and not control.
Several years ago, I was engaged to my college sweetheart. About 5 months before our wedding, he befriended a young woman and began spending a considerable amount of time with her. We never had rules about spending time with members of the opposite sex because it was never an issue for us. We both had friends of different genders and it was fine. But, this girl was different and I didn’t like her spending time with my fiancé. I asked nicely that they not spend time together, I tried to get to know her, but I still had a nagging feeling. Eventually, I was forced to offer him an ultimatum, and he chose a “friendship” with this girl over our relationship. Trust me, this wasn’t the cause of our breakup, but it was (as my friends like to call it) “the cherry on top.” Not spending time with that young woman at my request would have been obeying me, right? Was I trying to be controlling? No. Was I trying to protect my fiancé and our relationship? Yes.
The obedience that we vow in a marriage is not about control, though I know there are people out there who make it that way. Asking your partner to obey you is two-fold. First, you are asking them to respect you. When I asked my fiancé to stop spending time with another woman, I was asking him to respect my discomfort and put me and our relationship first. Even when you ask your partner to do something for you, by obeying you, they are acknowledging their role in the relationship and respecting what you do for them by doing something in return.
But obedience is also about accountability and expectation. Your partner should have high expectations for you, and they should hold you accountable for your actions. Not so they can control you or harass you, but so that they can celebrate your accomplishments with you and help you to be the most fantastic YOU you can be! When James tells me we’ll go to a movie after I finish a paper for school, he is not patronizing or controlling me. He is helping me to accomplish what I need to do in my life and is then offering to celebrate with me when I’m done! If I obey him, it is not for his gratification, but for the betterment of my own situation. If our expectations for each other come from a place of love, then we are silly NOT to obey each other! Here is this person who has your best intentions at heart telling you how you can be a better version of yourself—obey them!!
Deuteronomy 11:1 says “Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.” Why does God ask for our obedience? Is it to give Him power over us? I’m pretty sure if God wanted power over us, He would just turn us into puppets and control our lives that way. God asks for obedience because He loves us and wants the best for us. He also knows that, by obeying His commandments, we are capable of having lives that are richly blessed and full of peace! Should it not be exactly the same when we obey those on Earth who love us as dearly as God does? If my husband adores me and wants the best for me, I can know that his commands for me are with my best interest in mind.
It is first by simply loving God in return that we are able to obey Him. Think about how easy it is to do something for someone we love. And what is our reason? Simply, we love them! Where there is mutual love there is, by default, obedience!
On our wedding day, I don’t know if we will exchange traditional vows or write our own, but I will not resist vowing to obey my husband. It is our obedience to each other and to our relationship that, I firmly believe, will only bind us closer and enhance our marriage commitment.
Monday, November 28, 2011
CHRISTmas
I don't know why, but for some reason I am especially excited about the holidays this year. It might be because we are getting a real tree this year and James and I will be decorating our first home together for Christmas. Or, it could be because of my new delicious nephew who is celebrating his first Christmas this year. Or maybe it's because I feel like I have lots of time to enjoy the holiday and soak it in properly. It could also be all of the Christmas movies James has been playing for the past two weeks, or the great goodies that I've been wrapping up for my family and friends.
I don't know what it is, but I am certainly looking forward to the next five weeks of celebration and time with friends and family.
All of that being said, however, I want to take the time to remind everyone of the reason for the season. A lot of the films we've been watching revolve around Santa Clause, and while I'm a fan of Saint Nicholas, Christmas is not his holiday.
Christmas has, unfortunately, become a secular holiday, and I have lots of friends, colleagues and even family who see it only as an opportunity to get together and exchange gifts. That's a great part of Christmas, but I urge you to remember why we first celebrated this season--the season of preparation for Jesus' birth! As you enjoy your family, sweets, presents, and lights on the tree, remember to keep CHRIST in Christmas.
I don't know what it is, but I am certainly looking forward to the next five weeks of celebration and time with friends and family.
All of that being said, however, I want to take the time to remind everyone of the reason for the season. A lot of the films we've been watching revolve around Santa Clause, and while I'm a fan of Saint Nicholas, Christmas is not his holiday.
Christmas has, unfortunately, become a secular holiday, and I have lots of friends, colleagues and even family who see it only as an opportunity to get together and exchange gifts. That's a great part of Christmas, but I urge you to remember why we first celebrated this season--the season of preparation for Jesus' birth! As you enjoy your family, sweets, presents, and lights on the tree, remember to keep CHRIST in Christmas.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Was not Jesus himself a social worker?
It's been a month without blogging, and I miss it! I also think it was a needed break, though, because I have been incredibly busy with other things that needed to take a front seat in my life for a while.
One of the things that I have been dealing with lately, and that I have debated blogging about, is the apparent ethical dilemma of being a social worker and a Christian. In May, I will have my MSW and I will be expected, by the social work profession, to uphold the Social Work Code of Ethics. In most ways, this is not a problem for me, but sometimes my Christianity gets in the way. Religion, at least to me, appears to be avoided by the profession, and absent from much of the class discussion that takes place at my university. It almost seems as though we are not supposed to "have" religion as social workers. Maybe I'm taking this to the extreme because I am sensitive to it, but recently I have been dealing with a lot of negative comments about religion and the Church from people who are working as social workers out in the field, and people who are teaching social work at my university. Needless to say, I've been extremely bothered by it.
Much of the reason that I decided to pursue social work is precisely because of my faith! Was not Jesus himself a social worker? For me, He is the ultimate model of what it is to selflessly help others, accepting everyone who needed Him regardless of class, gender, past deeds, and creed. Social workers pride themselves on being accepting, but how accepting are they really if they are going to put down specific institutions and individuals because of their beliefs? Many of my professors speak to the class as though we are all liberal, pro-choice Democrats. The reality is that many social workers are--particularly those that are following the macro track of social work, like myself. But are these professional social workers, who now have future social workers entrusted to their guidance and education, really naive and closed-minded enough to assume that we all fit their mold? And what is the harm of having a set of beliefs that guides you in making good decisions? If I were working with a client who had different beliefs from me, would I turn them away? No--and not because my profession tells me not to, but because my God tells me not to! Then why do I, as a Christian social worker, sometimes feel so ostracized from my own profession? A profession that advocates for equality!
I am confused and hurt by a profession that I was once excited to be a part of. Will I continue in my studies and work as a professional social worker? Absolutely. I believe in the profession and the good that we do for others. But, I suppose I am learning that, within my profession, there is still a lot of learning and teaching to be done. After prayer and meditation on this, I've realized that my path in life has most definitely been guided by my Father in Heaven who has prepared me for this task and will lead me in righteousness and grace as I pursue it.
One of the things that I have been dealing with lately, and that I have debated blogging about, is the apparent ethical dilemma of being a social worker and a Christian. In May, I will have my MSW and I will be expected, by the social work profession, to uphold the Social Work Code of Ethics. In most ways, this is not a problem for me, but sometimes my Christianity gets in the way. Religion, at least to me, appears to be avoided by the profession, and absent from much of the class discussion that takes place at my university. It almost seems as though we are not supposed to "have" religion as social workers. Maybe I'm taking this to the extreme because I am sensitive to it, but recently I have been dealing with a lot of negative comments about religion and the Church from people who are working as social workers out in the field, and people who are teaching social work at my university. Needless to say, I've been extremely bothered by it.
Much of the reason that I decided to pursue social work is precisely because of my faith! Was not Jesus himself a social worker? For me, He is the ultimate model of what it is to selflessly help others, accepting everyone who needed Him regardless of class, gender, past deeds, and creed. Social workers pride themselves on being accepting, but how accepting are they really if they are going to put down specific institutions and individuals because of their beliefs? Many of my professors speak to the class as though we are all liberal, pro-choice Democrats. The reality is that many social workers are--particularly those that are following the macro track of social work, like myself. But are these professional social workers, who now have future social workers entrusted to their guidance and education, really naive and closed-minded enough to assume that we all fit their mold? And what is the harm of having a set of beliefs that guides you in making good decisions? If I were working with a client who had different beliefs from me, would I turn them away? No--and not because my profession tells me not to, but because my God tells me not to! Then why do I, as a Christian social worker, sometimes feel so ostracized from my own profession? A profession that advocates for equality!
I am confused and hurt by a profession that I was once excited to be a part of. Will I continue in my studies and work as a professional social worker? Absolutely. I believe in the profession and the good that we do for others. But, I suppose I am learning that, within my profession, there is still a lot of learning and teaching to be done. After prayer and meditation on this, I've realized that my path in life has most definitely been guided by my Father in Heaven who has prepared me for this task and will lead me in righteousness and grace as I pursue it.
Monday, July 25, 2011
I cried.
Yesterday, after posting about Norway, I cried. Not just a tear, but long, gut-wrenching sobs. Uncontrollable sobs that wore me out and turned my eyes to slits surrounded by puffy lids. I realized that what I was crying for the most were the families of all of those children. The parents who will never see their babies again. Good parents, encouraging their children to be involved in their government and their country. I don't care what Anders Behring Breivik believes in, or what makes him mad, or how much his government frustrates him. There is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for taking the life of another human being, especially a child. Yes, it is 100 times worse to take the life of a child, and I believe that there is a special place in Hell for people who do so.
Crying for the parents of Norway helped me to feel connected to them--no that it's about me, but it felt important to me to somehow let myself go into the dark place that they are in right now. But the cry also purged my own wicked thoughts about wanting this murderer dead. Just as it was not his place to decide when 86 children die, it is not our place to decide his fate. I know, and I am firmly rooted in this fact, that God will judge him according to his deeds and he will, most certainly, receive just punishment for his sins. This doesn't make me less sad about what has happened. In some ways it makes me angrier and more frustrated, knowing that true justice in this situation will only come from God and is not something that I can order. But there is also peace in knowing that God's loving hand will protect us when Jesus comes again and calls His sheep home for good.
Crying for the parents of Norway helped me to feel connected to them--no that it's about me, but it felt important to me to somehow let myself go into the dark place that they are in right now. But the cry also purged my own wicked thoughts about wanting this murderer dead. Just as it was not his place to decide when 86 children die, it is not our place to decide his fate. I know, and I am firmly rooted in this fact, that God will judge him according to his deeds and he will, most certainly, receive just punishment for his sins. This doesn't make me less sad about what has happened. In some ways it makes me angrier and more frustrated, knowing that true justice in this situation will only come from God and is not something that I can order. But there is also peace in knowing that God's loving hand will protect us when Jesus comes again and calls His sheep home for good.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Somewhere in the Middle
My back is still in pretty bad shape, so now I haven't been to the gym since Memorial day. I know, not good, but I am nervous to do too much before talking to the chiropractor tomorrow. So, I've been trying to walk every day (not successfully, but trying) so that I am at least not being a bump on a log.
For today's walk I decided to listen to Casting Crowns, a contemporary Christian band that I really love and have seen in concert I think twice. They are awesome and their lyrics always get me. The song that got me today was "Somewhere In the Middle" from the album The Altar and the Door.
For today's walk I decided to listen to Casting Crowns, a contemporary Christian band that I really love and have seen in concert I think twice. They are awesome and their lyrics always get me. The song that got me today was "Somewhere In the Middle" from the album The Altar and the Door.
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
I often feel like I am somewhere in the middle with my faith. Sometimes God and the Church ask us to be black and white about things that I feel very "gray" about. I know what I should do and what I want to do, and sometimes I end up somewhere in between. Or sometimes I am able to be black and white about an issue I feel strongly about and gray about an issue I'm unsure about, making me look and sound like a hypocrite to those around me. I struggle with so many questions that I feel don't have concrete answers, and I wish that I could know for sure where God stands. I know that there are people in my life who think that I have it all figured out and that I am moral and good (whatever those really mean) all of the time. That I don't make mistakes, that I follow every order of the Church, that I believe without any doubt. Let me tell you, I don't think there is a person in the world like that, and I don't aim to be one. Because the truth is, God gave me, us, free will so that we would choose to follow Him, to love Him, to do good for others. He doesn't want us to be puppets, but rather our own people who make the choices every day that lead us down a path of righteousness or the path of despair. And I've got to tell you, a lot of times I am somewhere in the middle--I think a lot of us are. But I do know, I believe, that God wants us on the right path and He's going to get us there, even when we feel lost in the middle.
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