I woke up this morning at the tail end of a horrible dream.
I was at my parents' house visiting my mom and some friends. It was Saturday morning and it was time for me to get packed up to head home. There were people everywhere. When I finally got the bathroom cleared out so that I could take a shower, I realized that there was no shower curtain. I wrapped a towel around myself and went out into the hallway to find my mom. It was getting later and later, and soon I would have to be leaving. I only had time for a quick shower, but I couldn't even do that! As I called for my mom, I saw everyone but her. I began to get stressed. I shouted for her, but no answer. She could not be found. And then I woke up, tears in my eyes and a shout caught in my throat.
I have these dreams once in a while. I have since I was a kid. If I am stressed or worried, I have a dream about losing my mom. Sometimes I just can't find her, other times she has died. We've analyzed these dreams over the years and, without fail, I have them when there is a lot on my mind and life feels out of control. They are scary, and they always remind me of what a mess I will be when I really do lose my mom.
Tonight we went to a Mass in memory of my friend's father who passed away suddenly in January. At the time, it was really upsetting. We went to the funeral and did our best to support my friend at that moment, but I fear that maybe we have not done enough. When I think about losing my mom or dad, I really don't know how I will go on. I am afraid of the wreck I will be and I'm afraid that I won't be able to pull myself together. Losing my mom is by far my biggest fear in life. I'm actually starting to get choked up just writing about it.
But, instead of getting upset, I am going to be thankful today. I am going to be thankful that I really have the most amazing mom and dad ever. I know everyone says that, but I really truly have been blessed with my parents. My dad is a pretty classic dad, and he's great. Our relationship has gotten better and better with time. And my mom....I have a hard time putting that woman into words. She is my rock. I have often told James that he's my "favorite," but he's tied with Mom. Besides James, she is the most important person in my world. I absolutely adore her and I know there is no way I would be who I am if she didn't raise me. She has literally saved my life and blessed me in immeasurable ways.
Today is Sunday; the Lord's day. And so, I thank you, Lord, for my mom and for my dad. Please continue to keep them safe and bless us with many years of love and joy with them. And let us not take for granted the gift of each other and the blessing of healthy and happy lives. Amen.