Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Somewhere in the Middle

My back is still in pretty bad shape, so now I haven't been to the gym since Memorial day. I know, not good, but I am nervous to do too much before talking to the chiropractor tomorrow. So, I've been trying to walk every day (not successfully, but trying) so that I am at least not being a bump on a log.

For today's walk I decided to listen to Casting Crowns, a contemporary Christian band that I really love and have seen in concert I think twice. They are awesome and their lyrics always get me. The song that got me today was "Somewhere In the Middle" from the album The Altar and the Door.

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

I often feel like I am somewhere in the middle with my faith. Sometimes God and the Church ask us to be black and white about things that I feel very "gray" about. I know what I should do and what I want to do, and sometimes I end up somewhere in between. Or sometimes I am able to be black and white about an issue I feel strongly about and gray about an issue I'm unsure about, making me look and sound like a hypocrite to those around me. I struggle with so many questions that I feel don't have concrete answers, and I wish that I could know for sure where God stands. I know that there are people in my life who think that I have it all figured out and that I am moral and good (whatever those really mean) all of the time. That I don't make mistakes, that I follow every order of the Church, that I believe without any doubt. Let me tell you, I don't think there is a person in the world like that, and I don't aim to be one. Because the truth is, God gave me, us, free will so that we would choose to follow Him, to love Him, to do good for others. He doesn't want us to be puppets, but rather our own people who make the choices every day that lead us down a path of righteousness or the path of despair. And I've got to tell you, a lot of times I am somewhere in the middle--I think a lot of us are. But I do know, I believe, that God wants us on the right path and He's going to get us there, even when we feel lost in the middle.

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